Appreciating passions

“You can’t expect me to be as passionate as you are about what makes you excited, I’m sorry.”

Isn’t that such a bummer?

 

I was riding around today and I was SO struck by the sunset as I drove down the country roads of Oak Ridge and Bryan Blvd.  Besides it being fall and the ONE week that we can see the GORGEOUS display of trees as they change colors, this sunset was right after a huge storm and the clouds were just….stunning!  I can’t even think of words to describe the sky but there were streaks of clouds (I’m a freak about clouds, okay? Bear with me, haha).  Some of them were those high altitude clouds and looked like ripples from a water surface that just had a pebble dropped in them.  Then there were some darker, lower altitude clouds that were fractional remnants of the storm that had just passed.  In between you could see trails of planes that had gone by and behind them all was the first blue sky we have seen in days.  Maybe it was because it HAS been so long since I’ve seen blue sky, but today it seemed richer.  It seemed like a different kind of blue all together.  It had depth and beauty that hasn’t hit me like that before.  And! Ah! To tie it all together, the sun was setting at the perfect place in the sky that I could watch it go down.  It was behind the clouds, but only a little bit so I could look directly at it, but the rays were just exploding over the edges of the clouds, spilling light into the rest of the sky.  Man, it was sooo…..glorious.

While I let that be my time of day that I took to talk to my Savior, *my* perfect and holy and sovereign Father, I took in the glory of that sky and knew that no one could touch it.  That thought gave me so much comfort because no man could have altered it or created it or made it any less or more beautiful than it was.  THAT was GOD right in front of me!  The scene was glorious because He made it and therefore HE is glorious!  He MADE that sky and made it look like that?!  Ah, I couldn’t get over it.  I LOVED Him for it.

So, of course, being the mushy girl that I am, I wanted so badly to call some of my friends and share the moment with them, or at least tell them about the sky wherever they were so that they may have been able to see what I was seeing….but then I realized….not everyone will have the same reaction I did.  Not everyone will gush over it like I did.  I’ll go as far to say that hardly anyone would have even cared about it like I did.  That’s not to bash ANYONE or make anyone feel bad, I’m just sharing my realization and (in some sense) my disappointment in that fact.  Call it selfish, but hey, I’m sure we’ve all felt that way at some point or another, eh?

I know that people have different passions, different interests, and different things that switch them on.  And I know that a bunch of those things aren’t similar to my own.  But, sometimes, I wish that we would at least care?  I wish that we would at least appreciate how those interests make others feel.  We can’t get as excited for those things, but I wish that “loving your neighbor” included an equal amount of excitement for them as they are about their passions, interests, and turn ons.

Maybe this is just a projection from my desire to legimatize getting overly excited about the small things, haha, but regardless, as a good friend once told me: I think it’s a good thing to hope for.

Deer Park and Recycling Effort

Deer Park (according to their bottles) are trying to increase the US recycling rate of plastic beverage bottles from 25% to 60% in the next 10 years.  YAAAY!!  Obviously, my first recommendation would be to not buy plastic bottles to begin with, but at least we can recycle the ones we have!

Greensboro has facilities for #1 and #2 plastics.  The recycling triangle is located usually at the bottom of anything plastic or recyclable.  The number represents the type of plastic it’s made of and it’s located in the middle of that triangle.

Be green!  Recycle!

“Stop crying out to me in desperation…can’t you see I’m busy.”

I got that quote from Perry Noble’s post of things Jesus would not say.  To back this up, he then quoted this:

⁴⁶Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. ⁴⁷When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

⁴⁸Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

⁴⁹Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.” So they called to the blind man, “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” ⁵⁰Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.

⁵¹“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, “Rabbi, I want to see.”

⁵²“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.”

-Mark 10: 46-52

I love this.  I love this because it assures me that even though I think that quote in the title all the time, it is wrong. And backed by Scripture.  But I still feel like need to really claim that because, as I’ve heard, realization is just the first step in any transformation with God.

Jesus! I want to see You!

My image of God

My image of G-d has Him in a chair, more like a mix between a recliner and a throne. (It reminds me of the seat at the Lincoln Memorial in DC) He’s sitting back in it; His head resting on His hand.  He’s leaning slightly to the right.   His hand is on His face, but His index and middle finger are separated from the other ones.  His other fingers are slightly curled on His cheek.  His first two fingers are straight and on the side of His face near His temple.

He is watching something.  Something that is amusing Him.  He has endearment, kindness, patience, and love in His eyes.  They’re soft and bright.  No one has eyes like His.  They change color, too.  Right now they’re an unexplainable mix of greens and blues; like the horizon in the ocean after a storm while the sun bursts out of a break in the clouds.

He is wearing white robes that reach His ankles comfortably.  He has no shoes.  I can tell where His figure stops and starts but His essence fills the room.  The feeling reminds me of warm cookies, haha: you can tell where they stop and start and you know that it is them that makes that delicious smell that fills the room and even though you can not see the aroma, it has just become part of the air around you.

His face is relaxed…as one Someone who hadn’t a care in the world.  The skin is smooth as though Someone young but you can tell there is wisdom that seaps out of the pores like Someone who has lived for a long time. And yet, somehow, I can tell that the concept of ‘young’, ‘old’, and ‘time’ just doesn’t quite apply to this face.  It is of Someone who looks young, has wisdom of old age, and yet will never die.

The mouth, His mouth, completes the image.  It matches the amusement of His eyes.  He is smiling, but not enough to show His teeth.  The corners of His mouth are turned up – so as to show happiness.  It’s not a full smile but it makes me think one is coming.  He is grinning at something but His eyes are steady on what’s ahead of Him.

A girl is standing before Him. He is watching His little girl in amusement.  She is talking excitingly to Him and moving as she speaks.  Without sound, it would appear like she’s telling Him a story and is trying to act it out as she explains.

She uses the whole area she has.  She goes from one part to another, bouncing and rolling when appropriate to the story and is always using expressive and excessive hand motions.

He is patient with her as she struggles to tell the story as accurately as her memory will allow.  He think it’s funny how “into it” she gets.  And how cute it is that she moves so much and talks so fast that she is out of breath sometimes and has to pause to catch it.

She is telling Him about her life on earth.  She’s explaining all the exciting things she did for His name.  She doesn’t understand that He alright knows exactly what she’s talking about.  She doesn’t know that He was there with her for her entire life.  Nor would she care; she’s so excited about her story and is so into it that He just says nothing and lets her keep telling it to Him.  She keeps acting and He keeps listening.  Even thought she isn’t aware of what He’s doing, she appreciates Him listening and loves that He’s so interested in what she has to say. This makes her feel loved and special.

She gets tired and states that she’ll explain the rest in a little while as she invites herself into His lap and leans her head against her Father’s chest.

He moves positions in order to allow her to sit on His lap.  He drapes His arms around her little body and holds her firmly but gently.  Her ear falls parallel to His heart and she can feel His heartbeat.  She heard the sound thumping from within Him.  She always loved that sound.  It’s what helped her fall asleep when she was scared; it’s what calmed her down after a bad day; it’s what gave her company when she felt lonely.  It was the sound of light in her dark times.  It’s what distracted her from her tears and allowed her mind to move onto different things.

Oh how silly she was as a child, she thinks.  She notices with only a hint of curiosity that she hadn’t felt those things in a long time.  The thought seems unimportant to her now and it quickly dissolves as her mind wanders to other things: she loves her Father. He had always been there for her; always been her favorite.

The two remained there for a long time.  The little daughter eventually falls asleep in her Father’s arms.  And that, that was His favorite story.

Discouragement

It’s so hard not to get tired.  I feel like I’m not alone in that one, am I right?  And, recently, it seems like the never ending, gotta-do-everything-as-soon-as-possible pace that I’ve been running on is beginning to sink in and the damage is starting to show.  I found a lot of encouragement in Perry Noble’s blog that I read today.  Within his “5 ways to fight discouragement” post, these are a couple things he said:

“A leader can NEVER underestimate how important rest is!!!”

“I once heard someone say, “the devil never takes a day off…why should I?”  BUT…the last I checked the devil isn’t supposed to be our example!”

“HE’S BROUGHT YOU TOO FAR FOR YOU TO QUIT NOW!!!”

“His faithfulness in the past is evidence that we have a future in Him…so GO FOR IT…and don’t allow circumstances to alter your view of His character–HE HAS NOT CHANGED…”

And you know, as I read this, it really strikes me how much I am “that person” who lets circumstances alter their view on everything else – especially God.  It’s frustrating sometimes how I think just because this one situation sucks, then the rest of my life sucks too.  (spaghetti mind)  I think my attitude is along the lines of “well, if I can’t do it, God can’t do it for me either.”

…Oh the irony.

Circumstances and situations are temporary; God is eternal.  And He does not change even when my situations do.

Another great quote

I was in class one day and our professor said this to us and I thought it was great.  He was speaking about our profession, but this could totally be applied to our lives in general:

“If you aren’t curious about Life, then what the hell?  Why get up?”      -Dr. Strack.

I found that really humorous and encouraging. Note: The capitalizing of ‘life’ was mine.

There’s no ‘God’ in ‘fear’

“Fear of God is not being afraid of Him, it is being afraid to be without Him.”

I’m not sure who said that but I quote it because it wasn’t me, haha.

Let’s get legalistic here…

There is a difference between a spiritual conversation and apologetics.  Hopefully they both involve Jesus but the latter has never led a person to Him.

Inspiring Quote

“Remember: all motion is not movement. Make sure every step you take today takes you somewhere worth going.”   -Steven Furtick

“Slightly bored and severely confused” -the postal service

What do you do when you don’t want to have a quiet time?  I feel like I don’t want to because it doesn’t involve God anymore.  I don’t feel like I’m talking to Him and I don’t feel like He’s talking to me.  It’s like I sit down, write out what’s on my mind that day, ask the void to give me things and then I read God’s biography written by people that knew Him.

And it’s still really hard for me to believe in the power of prayer.  I know it says the power of the righteous is powerful and effective, but why don’t I believe that?  I can’t believe one part of the Bible and not others.

I want to feel God again.  I want to feel happy and good about our relationship again.  I want to feel this freedom that everyone talks about that we have.  Freedom….from what? Sin? Okay, that’s all well and good but I can’t even see my sins (or maybe don’t want to?) to begin with so how do I know what I’m free from?  I know selfishness and pride are always there.  People tell me lust is always there, too.  And I understand the concept of our freedom (that we don’t have to live in that anymore because Christ set us free) but my just knowing that isn’t enough?  I don’t feel “free.”

Is it time for me to give up something in order to feel close to God again?  (Going on the teaching that God’s fire rains down on a sacrifice 1 Kings 18: 16-42 ) but I know I’ve given Him my life already – is this struggle just coming from me trying to control it?

I feel close to God when I feel loved by Him. And I know God is the God of love.  This wonderful, unique, life-changing love.  But He’s also not a God of BS.  He knows when I’m forcing it or faking it.  He knows I’m not putting in enough effort. (“Seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”) So how then, do I put in “enough” effort?  I feel like action is inspired by a desire – so if I’m not acting enough (aka not putting in enough effort towards trying to feel close to Him) that leads me to believe that I don’t have the desire to know and feel God more.  But how does one get that?  By praying for it and waiting for God to give it to you?  But I even struggle to believe in the power of prayer so what do I do now?

Side note: Maybe it’s just the stereotypical girl in me that makes me feel like this, but I feel loved when I feel needed.  And I am painfully aware that God definitely does not need me.  Maybe that’s a root flaw in my oh-so-perfect logic?

I want to be on fire for God.  But I don’t know how.

Sometimes, well, a lot of the time, I feel like there is so much more to life than what I’m allowing myself to live now.  Like I’ve been driving on the middle lane of a six lane highway and not ever changing lanes because it would mean change and that it may be scary.  Even though changing lanes might allow me to get around obstacles faster or allow me to experience what the thrill of “the fast lane” is like.  What do I do with that thought?